Scared and Excited

I've decided to arm myself with as much knowledge as I can about this disease.  I want to be prepared plus it is just my nature to want to know every single detail.  This can be a good thing and a horrible thing all at the same time.  Knowledge is power, I really believe that but when you are facing the reality of a disease, knowledge can be so overwhelming that it totally takes your breath away. 
I've not only been reading medical information but I've been reading other patients stories and blogs.  I've learned how the recovery process of the disease is often times more painful than the disease itself.  When you lived with the type of pain that Cushing's brings every day, your mind cannot almost not even comprehend worse pain.  I literally cried today thinking about it.  It's crazy but the pain after the surgery is a good sign so you 'want' it..isn't that just crazy?  This whole disease is just insane...from the symptoms to the recovery process.  It is truly mind-boggling.  It is scary.
Then, on the flip side, it is so incredibly exciting to read the end of the stories.  Healthy people, hair and skin healthy again...regaining their life.  Wow...I can only imagine!! 
I've read so many stories where people have fought depression through out the process.  I can relate as I've been there this past year, too.  Luckily not to the extent some have had to fight it.  It almost seems impossible to not fight it in some form given what you face.  You look in the mirror and don't even recognize yourself.  That is the oddest feeling of all to me.  So, here I am...petrified and excited all at once.