Official Diagnosis

Well, I was officially diagnosed yesterday at my appt.  My 24 hour urine test showed it all.  Normal results are cortisol levels of 50 and below..mine was 298.  Crazy but I already knew.  The list of symptoms was just way too convincing....I am a textbook case they say.
So, now we have to find where the little booger of a tumor is hiding out.  I am off to vacation this week and then when I come back, I am scheduled for an MRI followed by a CT scan the following week.  It is so bitter-sweet.  Excited to be moving forward towards recovery but scared at the unknowns that come with surgery, etc. But..I have faith..God has brought me this far and I know he never promised an easy road but he did promise he'd never leave me.

A little nervous

My follow-up to my first appt is this Friday.  I will get the results of all my labs.  I am not nervous to go to the doctor or anything but nervous about the results.  I worry about things like them messing up the labs and having to start all over again.  The waiting is the hardest part, I just want to get on the road to healing.  Praying that the tests all turn out just as they should.

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

I had a pretty good day yesterday in terms of pain.  I actually relaxed and was able to get a lot done around the house and then BAM..had a pain 'attack' that was just terrible.  I then proceeded to have a pity party and cried.  I was thinking, "Can I go one full day with no pain..just one??"  It has been so long since I have had a 'normal' day that I don't really know what that feels like.  It's odd, I can sort of remember doing things without being winded or hurting when I think back a few years ago but it's hard for me to really remember what a day without pain is like..I can't 'feel' it in my memory.  I have just hurt for so long now.  We so take health for granted.

3:07 AM and WIDE AWAKE

Gotta love the cortisol 'high' in the middle of the night.  You drag most of the day and then BAM..middle of the night and you can run a marathon. Okay, so not really but you are more awake at 3 AM than 10 AM..just another crazy symptom of good ole' Cushings.  Sad thing is, this is when I feel my best usually..middle of the night and of course, what can you get done at this time of night besides post to your blog??

Support Groups

Today, I joined the forum at a Cushing's website.  Looking forward to connecting with others going through this enjoyable expierience-lol. 

Bad day.

Today has been a really tough day.  I am just hurting all over, feeling short of breath and basically feeling like crap.  On top of that, I just read that after surgery, the withdrawals from the high levels of cortisol are much like the withdrawals from a heroin addict.  I have been about to puke ever since I read that.  This all seems so unfair.  I know, I know..no one ever said life was fair but still...this sucks.

Emotions....

Every day, I learn something new about this disease and about myself.  I learned yesterday from the Endocrine Society web site that OCD can be part of this disease.  For someone who has mild OCD like me, it can intensify it. Lovely.  Of course, I will admit that part of my nature is nice in some ways--keeps my house clean and organized. :)
The main thing I am realizing is how much it really affects your emotional status every.single.day.  You can deal with stuff normally one day and then the next, you are just an emotional wreck.  Things that normally just midly irriate you send you over the edge.  Things that may make you a little sad will send you into shedding tears for hours.  It blows my mind how something so tiny inside our bodies has so much control.
I think about this blog and it appears that I have se;f-diagnosed myself without any real prrof since my results aren't in yet.  But, this is just something I know.  The information on paper is pretty convincing but this goes so much deeper.  I know I have this disease and I am still trying to digest it but still, I know.