On the countdown..

Tomorrow is my last day to get everything in order before my surgery day.  I am almost done..I think, anyways.  I have to get my bag packed but I am not planning on packing much so I am not worried about that.  This is one really great thing about having this done here at home..if I do happen to forget something, someone can run home and get it for me with no problems.
Everyone keeps asking me if I am nervous.  And honestly, I'm not nervous about the surgery at all but I am at the recovery.  Nervous really isn't the word for it though..it's hard to explain.  I am not scared but it is just a wierd feeling because there is so much unknown.  I know what I've read but this disease just affects everyone so differently and you don't know what to expect really....
Even with all that said, I am so ready.
The thing that is so wierd is how many people will be waiting for me while I am in surgery.  I hate the thought of people just sitting and waiting on me.  I am so not used to being the one that needs to be taken care of and I don't know how to deal with it.  Of course, my friends and family tell me to get over it because they will be there no matter what.  LOL  And I know, it is really such a blessing to be loved but still...it's wierd for me.

Watched the surgery...

Just watched on YouTube how they do the surgery I am having next week.  It is called transphenoidal surgery.  Wow..amazing that they can do all that just by going up your nose.  And to think not too long ago, they'd have to crack your skull to do this same thing.  Medical advances are just amazing to me. 
So, I am not nervous at all..wierd but I think God's grace is just all over me.  It has to be HIM because no one else could supply this type of peace.
This weekend is going to be busy.  I've got to get my house cleaned.  I can't leave for the hospital with a dirty house..that is the lovely OC side of me. :)  I've got to get everything in order for my child for next week.  My wonderful inlaws are keeping him for the week, which is such a blessing.  They take such good care of him and I won't have to worry about him for even a second, besides missing him like crazy.  Still, I have to get all his clothes, etc ready.  Then, I need to pack for the hospital. Not really thinking I will need much so that part should be pretty easy.  Sunday, after church, I need to go up to work and get some stuff done.  It's wierd to think I will be away from work for a couple weeks.  Like going on vacation but so not a vacation-LOL.

Had all my pre-op stuff today...

Started off the day at the neuro's office where the schedule-chic gave me the run down of my insurance and had me sign all the 'okay forms' so they can go inside my head-lol.  It was pretty quick and then she sent me on my way to the hospital for an EKG and a chest X-ray and of course, labs.  Got everything done and so it's on for next Tuesday at 7:30 AM.  I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 AM...nice. Of course, I am generally awake until about that time so at least I will be good and sleepy by the time we get to the hospital.
So on a 'funny' note...the gal who attempted to do my labs was a trip.  If there is one thing Cushing's patients are used to, that is lab work but this chic took it to another level.  Let me preface by saying that I have horrid veins.  They are tiny, deep and they roll.  Very few lab folks get me on the 1st or 2nd poke and I am used to it.  I mean, it honestly doesn't phase me anymore and it doesn't hurt when they poke and prod around my arms.  Anyway, my lab lady was new.  She was funny though because she wasn't that 'nervous' type of new..she was just 'I am gonna stick this needle in your hand, your arm, your other hand and your arm again and just hope I get a vein' type.  I mean, seriously, she stuck me and stuck me..the time in my arm, I could even see there was no vein.  I was looking at her like she was insane.  I was literally her pin cushion.  She wasted no time and was just opening up needles like a mad woman.  So, she calls a nurse over to assist her.  The nurse is almost as bad..she whips my hand over and sticks me on the underside of my wrist.  I actually felt a tingle in my hand and then felt the blood coming through the vein. It wasn't painful but was such an odd feeling.  At this point, I was almost laughing thinking these ladies were just nuts but they got all the tubes filled....
So, its on.  Tumor, we are coming to get you!!

This disease cracks me up some days....

It's funny how this disease can make you actually euphoric some days.  Today, I've had lots of energy, felt 'in control' and wide awake, ready to take on the world.  How can a disease be so incredibly odd?  It ravages your body and plays tricks on your mind at the same time.  And the funniest part of it all is that I am fully aware that all this stuff I 'feel' is the disease.  Geez...it's a wonder I am not in a hospital with cushy walls..lol.
I can feel myself plunging as I type this..getting tired & achey...oh, the joy of Cushing's.
On another note, I get really tired of explaining what is wrong with me to people.  It is such a hard disease to describe and most people just don't 'get it.'  And I get that it is hard for someone to understand that I'd be excited about surgery or why having a tumor is a 'good' thing.  I mean, I totally get it is hard to understand but still, it wears me out attempting to help people understand.  And it really drives me nuts when the same people ask me all the time if I am 'feeling any better'....I want to scream, "NO!!!! and I won't until they get this thing out of me, how many times do I have to tell you that?"  Of course, I would never say that...and then, I feel guilty for feeling that way.  I know they mean no harm but it is so tough to feel so misunderstood all the time.....

How sad is it...

How sad is it that part of me is actually looking forward to surgery just for the sleep??  It has been, I guess, around 2+ years since I've slept through an entire night.  Here it is, 6:30 in the morning and I've been awake for a good bit.  I have so much to do tomorrow and I know I will just want to crash all day.  I am trying to get everything in order before surgery and it is a tad overwhelming..add that to no sleep and you have a mess.  Yep, that's me right now..a mess.

Got a surgery date!

So, the 27th it is.  I can hardly believe it.  It is wierd because you get so used to the 'come back in 2 week' or 'take this test' or yada, yada.  Once you get to the surgeon, things happen like a whirlwind.  It is awesome and overwhelming all at once.

Cramps suck.

I am one of those lucky women that has never had cramps with her period.  Cushing's is making sure that I am receiving full pay back for that.  I have the worst leg and foot cramps sometimes and they are always in the middle of the night so they wake me up from what little sleep I get to begin with.  Last night, my feet and legs cramped all night.  It was so bad that I had to 'jump' up to stretch out the muscles to get the cramps to release.  Some people call them 'charlie horses'...I call them *!@#&!!*  LOL 
In other news, my appointment with the neurosurgeon is tomorrow.  I am not nervous at all but I have a feeling he is going to want another MRI, which in and of itself is fine but just means more time.  I am tired of waiting, I want some surgery!!  Too bad I am not rich enough to offer bribes...